Big Numbers

5/3/1940 – 3/28/2016 = 27,723

43,300,000,000 / 27,723 ≈ 1,561,880

5,000,000 / 1,561,880 ≈ 3.2

3.2 x 24 = 76.8

Now, obviously it doesn’t include terrible acts. Killing is not part of the deal. Rape and torture are out. I’m not serving a life sentence, because that would defeat the purpose.

My number is five million. If you were to give me $5,000,000, I would do anything you want me to. You own me for five.

I’m not getting killed and I’m not ruining my life, but a finger or something? Shit, you can have a hand. If there are five million bucks waiting for me on the other side, I’m open for business*.

Now for some perspective.

5/3/1940 – 3/28/2016 = 27,723

This is David Koch‘s life span as of this writing. He was born on May 3, 1940, and is 75 years old. He’s lived for 27,723 days.


This is David Koch’s reported net worth.

43,300,000,000 / 27,723 ≈ 1,561,880

This is how many dollars David Koch is worth divided by the number of days he’s lived. This obviously is not the amount of money he has made each day of his life, but an even distribution of his money over his time. This actually skews my final figure to make it LESS impressive/disgusting (whichever you prefer). It includes inheritance, assets, and all that jazz. Regardless, it’s his money over his days. He has it.

Each day of David Koch’s life (under even distribution) has earned him 1.56 million dollars. Remember my price?

5,000,000 / 1,561,880 ≈ 3.2

It takes David Koch (over the course of his life, on average) 3.2 days to earn enough money to buy my soul.

David Koch earns two Steve Corbetts a week.

43,300,000,000 / 5,000,000 = 8660

Actually, let’s call it 43,200,000,000 so he still has a little nest egg of 15 to 20 times what I’ll earn in my entire life to live out his last two years or so. 8640. He loses 20 Steves.

This rat could buy a couple good-sized brigades of guys just like me to do whatever he wanted. You know what’s funny? He’s got a brother who’s worth just as much. So…

Why is it that when someone who makes less in two hours of work than David Koch’s dollars per second lived** wants to make a little less than that amount in one hour, we call that person a slob and tell them they get what they’re worth? Does David Koch work 8,660 times as hard as me? Why do we punch down at the people who make in a day of work less than a Koch brother has for every 7 seconds of his life?

Why don’t we punch up?

*in theory
**1,561,880 (dollars of worth over days lived) / 24 (hours) ≈ 65,078 (dollars per hour) / 60 ≈ 1,084 (dollars per minute) / 60 ≈ 18.07 (dollars in his coffers over seconds he has lived)


3 thoughts on “Big Numbers

  1. I don’t know the Koch Brothers. My guess is they would have little use for one of your hands. On the other hand (😜), I ‘spect that either one would give their soul to trade places with you, to be able to try to do it all over again, even without any family fortune.


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