My name is Chip, and I’m a Republican.

Somebody recently asked me why I need my guns. My liberal friend Andy knows I’m a “responsible gun owner”, but he still doesn’t comprehend the necessity. I explained it to him very simply that in the event of our government undergoing such a drastic metamorphosis that they begin to engage in tangible oppression by seizing property and infringing on liberty, I want to be able to stand my ground, and protect my American life.

Andy said, “Fair enough.”

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he didn’t have a counterpoint.

Andy asked who I was voting for, and I told him that I’m voting for Trump, and not because of his bravado, but because I truly believe that with his CABINET (people forget that he won’t be alone), he will be able to spit in the face of Congress to actually turn the gears of the American machine.

Andy said, “Fair enough.”

I gasped.

Andy asked me, “But what about killing the family members of domestic terrorists and deporting Muslim citizens?”

I told him I thought that those were regrettable comments, but some sort of policy like that would probably be in the best interest of the country.

“Well then it’s a good thing those Muslims can get guns, because isn’t that the exact metamorphosis you’re talking about?”

Shut the fuck up, Andy.

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